I don’t know about you, but these days I have been feeling very claustrophobic. I have never been a person who does well with people telling me what to do, and, this…feels very much like someone telling me what to do. The weird thing about this though is that I am a homebody at heart. If I’m not out in the wilderness, exploring or going on an adventure, I prefer to be at home. I like fires in my backyard and if I do hang out with friends or family, it’s in their homes or mine. So why does this bother me so much?
I am grateful for this time at home though, I recently suffered a great loss within my family. I lost my beautiful boy, Bruno. For those of you who don’t know, I have had Bella and Bruno for almost twelve years. They are my yin and yang, my salt and pepper. They went together like peanut butter and jelly. Everything they did, they did it together. Bruno suddenly stopped eating and his stomach began swelling. I’m not going to go into detail here, but long story short, I lost my boy very unexpectedly. It was a devastating loss for me, Bella, my mom (his grandma) and those very close to us. I was in complete denial for about four days and I did not speak or acknowledge anyone or the situation for about three weeks. I relish being a dog mom, I know for a fact it is something I was meant to be.
One month and two days later, I decided it was time to adopt. Bella had always had a partner in crime. I knew if I was going to do this, it was going to be Bella’s decision, not mine. So Bella, me and my mom went to an animal shelter. We weren’t allowed to go in (COVID-19) so they brought the fur babies out to us. Bella did not want anything to do with the first two they brought out and wouldn’t even acknowledge them. Then, they brought out Rebel. It only took a matter of minutes before Bella was wagging her tail, and inching her way towards him. I instantly fell in love, so did Bella. I’m very happy to say after much communication, phone calls and detective work (due to his health), I have officially adopted Rebel. He is a black and white Border Collie mix, four years old and full of life and love. We couldn’t be happier having him in our family.
It is hard when this pandemic hits home personally. I can’t even imagine what those out in the world are going through. There are a few people I know personally who have been affected by this, either themselves or those close to them. I am truly sorry for those who have felt the pain of loss or know someone who has tested positive and is awaiting their 14-day quarantine outcome. I can’t begin to know what you are going through or how you feel.
We are all adjusting to this new way of life, however strange it may be. From the bad, there can come some good. Had I not had this time working from home, I would not have had the time to be home with my fur kids and be able to help Rebel get acquainted and comfortable. I hope everyone is finding their new normal, finding ways to connect and remain close to those they love. I hope this time can help those who have lost that personal connection to people, who have struggled with getting lost in their phones and scrolling have taken advantage of the time and learned ways to re-connect and get back to the fundamentals of human closeness and interaction.
I hope that those reading this have found ways to occupy their time, healthy new habits, new routines, and have given some thought to reconstruct their dreams. Dreams are never a waste, and with dedication, can come to life. Please take advantage of this time and dream. Bring to life ideas that you have had on the back burner for months or years. There is no better time than the present. Think, refocus, create…and make it happen!
I’ve been reading this wonderful book called “Where the Crawdads Sing”, by Delia Owens. Last night I came across a sentence that really stood out to me, “There are some who can live without wild things, and some who cannot.” How incredible it is to come across something so small with such a huge impact. Those brief moments in time you read a small sentence that explains all you are and for a quick moment you realise you’re not breathing…or is just me?
I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to explain the peace I get from writing, or how I feel seeing the sunrise coming over the mountainside, tears rolling down my face. Peace comes from understanding not all things come with an explanation, and also patience. So how do those of us who long to live and do that which what makes us our happiest work the nine to five, repeat this each day and still have the energy to pursue our dreams, goals, and enjoy our lives fully?
How many of us find this routine of monotony completely exhausting? Sure struggling isn’t appealing, but neither is living paycheck to paycheck. I could be wrong, but isn’t the reason you don’t do it, the same reason you want to? Certainty comes with income, income pays the bills. Certainty is also comfortable, so comfortable that nothing ever changes.
I learned at an early age, just how important it is to follow that voice inside, the one who reminds you to be who you are. What if you are wild though? And by wild I mean, not conforming to the norm. What if that voice inside screams everyday to be on a path completely opposite of the one you are currently on? What’s so wrong with that? Nothing…absolutely nothing!
If your happiness comes from working a few odd jobs but you truly enjoy what you’re doing, continue on. If your happiness comes from completely uprooting your life and beginning somewhere new, then so be it. If your happiness comes from hiking a new trail each weekend, have at it! Find “IT” whatever it is, find it and roll with it. Life is going to happen regardless, days will pass regardless.
So here I am, sitting at my laptop the night before my very first book signing. I’ve waited entirely too long and didn’t think soon enough, “oh I should have cards to give out”! So, of course, I ordered them from staples an hour ago hoping and praying the man calls me to say I can pick them up tonight (fingers crossed). This dream come true is so real I can taste it, along with the bloody mary I have made for myself. I am sitting here alone, well Bella, Bruno, and Sweet Pea are here with me (2 dogs and a cat aka my children). My mom is relaxing in her home more than likely enjoying a good book, my love is at work tonight on a double shift and my friends are probably unwinding from a busy work week. I should be doing the same after a busy work week, but nope, I’d rather be sitting here writing, sounds about right.
Where was I? Oh yes, sitting here typing away listening to The Lumineers’s song Scotland. This song is extremely empowering for me (could be because I am Scots) and I feel the strength of Mary as I listen and type. Where would we be in this life if we didn’t have dreams? What is it like to not have them? There was a very brief time in my life when I couldn’t see the brighter side of things. This time period lasted roughly 10-15 years. It was brief because at the age of 35 thinking back, that time flew past my face. Don’t get me wrong, it was rough and the time didn’t go fast during these years in the slightest. I definitely struggled and had my own ugly to work out to find myself. I’m still working on that, but honestly all that ugly made me into the person I am today full of grit and gumption, I wouldn’t trade any bad, good, ugly or beautiful for where I am today. It’s all taught me something I just had to learn to be exactly who I am at this moment.
At the age of 13-14, I was in a pretty bad car accident. The one time I got a ride to school after my mom said I had to walk (definitely learned from that). I was also attacked by a pit bull walking home from a friend’s house and the dog had been chained up on the side of a house I was walking by on the street. It had bit my lower jaw and lower lip, as well as played tug-of-war on my right inner thigh, then proceeded to follow me home peacefully until I got to the top of my backyard. As I looked back to see where the dog was, it began to growl and show its teeth. I ran as if life depended on it, literally. My mom coincidently was working on a project in the basement and had seen me crying and went to the door assuming it was neighborhood kids picking on me and then she saw the dog. The door flew open and I ran in and by the grace of the Universe, the dog slammed into the screen door as it slammed shut. The outcome as we saw later was pretty bad and the owner of the dog who had assured my mom would cover the medical expenses had moved and cleaned out their house in one day.
I also found out during that time that my father (who I had called Dad prior to this) had kept me a secret. Before then I had assumed that Mom and Dad just weren’t together anymore especially since over half of my class in school were full of split families. This lasted until I was 27 years old after countless attempts of being known, acknowledged and meeting a family I had known about my entire life. At the age of 27, let’s just say my mom was done seeing my heartbreak over this and she did what she had to. Thanks to my mom, I now know my family and have spent the last eight years working on our relationship and getting to know each other.
The reason I am sharing all of this with you is that circumstances don’t make you who you are, you do. You can wallow all day and succumb to the wrong that has happened in your life or you can choose to see beyond that and continue striving for your best life. Believe me, since then I have experienced the worst of the worst and also the best of the best. I have seen myself through not knowing where I was going to sleep from day to day, abusive relationships, family trauma, and turmoil and here I sit writing this story. I can truly say life is really what you make of it because I am living it to this very day. I have accomplished many of the goals I had set for myself due to my drive and upbringing. I am that person always reaching for the next goal, bettering each and every day.
I bring this positive attitude with me every day, sharing it with any who crosses my path. At work, at home, in the grocery store. Why dwell? It’s pointless really. Does the past still affect me, absolutely! Are there parts or memories that continue to bring pain, yes. I am a work in progress, growing into myself daily. If we don’t learn from our past, grow to inspire ourselves as well as others then what is there? If there is anything that you take from this article, please know you are not alone. Grow, grow and grow some more from each experience, hardship and use them as opportunities to better know yourself and then spread those learning lessons to help yourself as well as others. Bad days come, but guess what? We all wake up to a brand new day with fresh eyes for a whole new outlook! Please take each new day as a challenge to be who you are meant to be!
Once upon a time in a faraway land, people made eye contact during a conversation…the end. I’m kidding, this is only just the beginning. Do you ever find yourself in a room, filling someone in on the hardest part of your day? Sharing a hugely exciting moment in your life or a work-related topic and they just say uh-huh and stare at their phone scrolling like a zombie? I have definitely found myself in these situations. I just say am I bothering you right now (after already having placed myself in a comfortable seat and started talking about something that held interest to the other person) or I’ll come back when you aren’t so busy on your phone, how could you not be annoyed at someone staring at their phone instead of being involved in the conversation. But truthfully I don’t come back and the next time I have something to share, I no longer go back to that person to share my news.
Is it really that hard to give someone your undivided attention these days? I will say, I have been guilty of this, especially in my profession. At times there are so many responsibilities, obligations and decisions to be made that while doing my job I have to respond to work emails, text messages and calls so while trying to focus on the task at hand, I am distracted by the chaos of technology. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for a cell phone and the ability to contact someone while out on the road, however, it is a huge distraction.
How many times have you been at a family function, special occasion or just hanging out with family or friends and they want to take a picture to capture the moment? But instead of actually enjoying the moment, time flys by as they edit and update to social media, and don’t forget about tagging where you are, the people in the picture and of course typing a description of what you are doing in the caption above the photo. How much of life is wasted just to ensure people you probably don’t even like or know can see exactly what you are doing at that moment, just curious? I’m not against sharing, I share this wonderful blog here and the poetry I love to write as well as memorable moments with those close to me on Instagram, occasionally. This world is all about sharing these days, what happened to letters, developing pictures and calling someone on the phone?
I have made the decision to rid myself of facebook as I haven’t scrolled in well over two years and do not see the point in having it any longer. I’m a pretty private person, thus the reason social media does not appeal to me. I have however created a Facebook writer’s page so I can continue to share my blog and poetry with the people that I yes, do know personally and will be forever grateful to them for reading my work. You see, there are good points to sharing and social media, without it, how would you be reading this blog?
What I cannot fathom is the endless amount of time wasted scrolling on social media sites. What did we do before social media? Is Google helpful? Absolutely! But think about it, how much time do you spend day in and day out checking a notification that pops up on your phone because someone or something you follow just posted an update or status? Why do we as a human race feel required to click on that update and take a look? What are we lacking to feel the need to be entertained by whatever that post has to show or say? How boring is life if in your free time you spend it checking social media notifications or scrolling?
Think about it, when you are bored you pick up your phone to see what you’ve missed. Is that living? Just how much potential is being wasted looking at a phone? What happens when you devote those ten minutes or an hour of free time to a hobby or new strategy for creating a better life or even getting to know yourself a little better? Has the human race become so uncomfortable with themselves that they can’t just sit in their own space, uninterrupted without logging in? I thought “Where Has the Time Gone” would be a fitting title for this blog, as I hope that it makes you think. Where has your time gone? Life is short, as we all know. What will you remember? The moments you spent living, growing, seeing and appreciating this life, or all of the status updates?
When opportunities present themselves, do you run with them or do you question and/or allow fear to take hold? Do you follow your heart or your paycheck? Believe me, I of all people get it. When people ask, are you happy? Do you like what you do? How many of you have said, “it pays the bills”? Unfortunately, I’ve heard this more times then I can count, even out of my own mouth. At a very early age, my mom showed me just what following your heart and dreams looks like. I am and will always be grateful to her for instilling guts into my upbringing (at the time, of course, she didn’t know she was teaching such a valuable lesson).
My mom taught and showed me in more ways than one how to stand up for yourself, (get ready for the swear words) take no shit, follow your passions and most importantly, follow your heart. She taught me literally one hundred million other things and continues to do so every single day but that’s a story for another day and we are on a different track tonight. Let’s get back to the point, shall we? Do you live where you are truly happy? You might not work where you thought or hoped you would, but at the end of the day, can you walk out of your front door, take a deep breath, and do what your heart longs for? How about the views? Do you long for and see sky scrappers and beautifully lighted busy streets or wonderous mountain views with the fresh smell of every tree you could possibly think of? Are you where you want to be?
My boyfriend and I recently took a trip, knowing this could very well be the place that we would want and need to spend our lives and guess what, it was and is! I have played the song “Sleep on the Floor” by the Lumineers for him for over a year and a half. (“Pack yourself a toothbrush dear, pack yourself a favorite blouse. Take a withdrawal slip, take all of your savings out. Cause if we don’t leave this town, we might not ever make it out. I was not born to drown, baby come on” (lyrics from the song). If you don’t know it, I highly recommend! I have always known I was meant for somewhere else, nothing against where I am now, but it’s just not for me. I have lived in so many places and been all over. I did exactly what I was meant to do here and I am truly grateful for the experiences and people I have met here. Leaving will definitely make me cry but there comes a time in your life when it’s just time to go.
At the end of our trip, I cried. I cried grabbing our bags out of the lodge, I cried giving back the key, I cried as we drove away in the truck, I cried once on the road and I cried when we got back to where we are currently living. My boyfriend and I have made the decision to follow what truly makes our hearts happy and that is to move. It takes a lot to leave what you know and where you are comfortable (not to mention having the funds to do so). We both have such a strong pull to where we were that it only makes sense to follow that deep down, know it in your soul gut instinct. We’ve been back for less than a week now where we currently live and we are so heartsick. We will be back to our dream location in just under five months to look at properties and such and we have a plan to move within a year. Sometimes something happens or you see something that just triggers a distinct feeling that you know deep down you should follow.
Where I am going with this, is that life is short! How many times have we all heard that? Too many right? I have said before, live, really live! Yes, I know it takes time and money to pursue that which makes you happy but damn it, do it! Sorry for yelling through my blog but if that’s what it takes. No matter what your situation or where you are, you are capable of achieving, please always remember that. This world moves so fast, and the bills will always keep coming. Put some dollars into that savings account every pay, even if it’s just a couple. Your situation isn’t permanent, you are here now, living. I’ve seen a lot and lived through a lot (that’s an understatement) I can truly say with experience I am where I am today because of everything I have been through. Was it easy, hell no! Was it worth it, absolutely!
You aren’t where you grew up, you aren’t your surroundings. If what you want is the complete opposite of what you know, that’s okay, as long as you live! Work towards what you want. Believe in yourself and your goal and/or dream. I see day in and day out people who talk but don’t put in the action, dedication and work needed to get where they want to be. Guess what? It’s not going to be handed to you. Drive, ambition, grit, gumption, tenacity, accountability, and responsibility are what it takes to make it happen. But it can happen. Live the life you want and can look back and say I did it! Not one that makes you look back and regret. Life is full of lessons, good, bad, beautiful and ugly. Learn, grow, move on and keep going!
What’s your style? What’s your niche? Do you rock it proudly or try to fit in? I apologize for taking a while to write this, I have been writing down ideas for weeks. Thinking relentlessly, my thoughts scrambled on the pages. Are you saying and doing what you feel you have to, to join in the crowd or are you holding tight to what makes you, you?
I’ll break the ice for us, in case your hesitant. I personally rock me all day, every day. Do other people’s opinions affect my everyday living? No, they absolutely do not. Do they cause me hurt feelings or the occasional deep breath from time to time? Yes, absolutely. The choice is yours really, do you allow it to affect your day to day living or do you choose to take it with a grain of salt? Others opinions aren’t really any of your business, truth be told. Especially if they are negative or unsupportive of your dreams and goals. Regardless of who they are from. Yes, they are about you. However, do they matter?
Good question, do they? Let me take a step back. If they are from your editor, boss or supervisor, then yes they definitely matter. If they come from other outside sources though, they really don’t. I hope that I can convey this to you enough, that other people’s opinions of you do not matter and are not your business. The reason I say this is due to, well to you! Family, friends or anyone else who feels they know you well enough to put their two cents in, listen, take it for what it is, an opinion and only that and continue doing what you’re doing, ( As long as it is safe). Let me say here, there is a difference between constructive criticism and opinions. Aside from those you care about, take that for what it is also.
The fuel behind this blog really is due to this feeling like I have to fit in. But do I really though? I am an old soul, those who know me will happily agree. My nephew (who is 11, nearing 12) recently referred to me as a “hippie” at lunch one day. When I asked him what made me a “hippie”? He said it was because I did not own a microwave or toaster and I had all kinds of “hippie” things in my house. I laughed of course, but then it occurred to me, that’s what “today’s” generation sees.
As I’ve said before, I own who I am every single day. As a person who is not really into social media, I have dappled with the idea of getting rid of Facebook. I will admit (those close to me already know this, (sorry, not really) I have not scrolled on facebook in about two years). Truthfully, living this precious life of mine and taking advantage of every moment and seeing it for what it truly is has overrun any urgency to scroll. I originally created a “FB” page to locate a family that I had always known about, but they did not know about me (another story for another day) back in 2012. My page has been my writing, “other people’s tags” or monumental moments, which I am grateful for, of course.
When I presented this lack of love for social media to my love, he, who has currently rid himself of social media, suggested turning my “FB” page into a writer’s page. I thought, how lovely, yes, yes I will turn my FB page into an authors page. When talking to close friends of this, I received support as well as, “no, you can’t, how will I tag you in memes?” Of course, these friends support me regardless, but really who am I keeping “FB” for? “Most” people, family included having smartphones who are able to send pictures via texts or emails are capable of sharing memorable moments, are they not?
Yes, I have an Instagram page, but again, meant for memorable moments, my poetry and writing. I do not have a “twitter” or “snapchat” or anything else out there that exists. I am soon to be 35, do you know how hard it is to live in a world that wants “needs” you to see social media first? I can relate and respect wholeheartedly to my dear friends who are wise within their own right, that have chosen the “unsocial media” path.
My question is this, what do we do? Those of us who aren’t “into social media?” Where do we go? Where do we post our work? I will say, thankfully I have a blog and website that allows me to vocalize how I feel whenever I please. But if it wasn’t for my blog, where would I go?
If we can’t say what we feel, what do we have? I am not writing this blog about “anti-social media”, I am writing this blog for those of us who are “old school”, or “old fashioned”, those who do not feel the need to post updates every day and enjoy seeing life in person. How do those of us, living in a world unlike today’s exist and get out there?
Write, feel, live and exist! No matter what, be you!
This is by far, my absolute favorite poem. To me, this poem is an inspiration at it’s best if you are a nature lover like myself. I don’t want to exclude anyone from this as anyone can love it as much as I, not just nature lovers. When I read this, it reminds me to always stay grounded and to constantly follow my dreams. To pursue a love no one knows but you. That in itself is absolutely amazing. It’s your own personal secret. It’s the permission to pursue what makes your heart the happiest. But do we really need permission?
The answer is no, no we do not. Now let me back up a bit and explain. If you’re at work and want to leave early or you scored amazing tickets to a concert or game for the next day and need to call off, then yes, I recommend asking your supervisor or whoever will be covering that shift absolutely. But for everything else, once you’re an adult, who do you really need to ask permission? Whether you are married, a mother or father, single, a friend or relative, if they know you, they know what you love and where your passions lie. Simple as that, right? Wrong. There are multiple reasons people don’t pursue or follow through with the things that make them truly happy (minus anything extremely inappropriate or disrespectful to yourself and others in your life of course). For some, they have lost themselves within the title, mom, dad, wife, husband, sister, brother, friend and any other title that automatically removes who you are. Here’s the thing, you are still you, right? If you have surrounded yourself with super awesome people, then they will understand and support your dreams and goals. If only it was that easy.
In a relationship or marriage, you’d respectively talk to the other about your ideas and what you’d like to do and if that person respects you as an individual, they’ll understand how important this is to you and say hell yes! Or they’ll simply say, that’s awesome. Some people don’t swear, don’t ever trust those people. I’m kidding, of course, you can trust them a little. If you’re lucky enough to have found someone who supports who you are, as an individual human being, then my friend, you have hit the jackpot! Kudos to you. Instinctively together, you’d work out the kinks as a whole and find what works best for the both of you and if children are involved, for them as well. When you are in a relationship, yes, you should consider the other’s feelings. But like I mentioned before, as long as it’s not inappropriate and can mesh with your family life, why not?
Okay, let’s get back to the real reason I’m writing this tonight at 7:42. The title of this blog is called: Grit and Gumption. So let’s talk about that. Either you have it or you don’t. I hate to be that brutally honest (no I don’t) but it’s true. Either you want it or you don’t. In my current line of work, I am constantly hearing excuse after excuse. Let’s face it, even in my personal life, I hear excuse after excuse. Anyone and I mean anyone can reach their dreams if they would only put in the effort to do so. I don’t mean to make this sound easy, I of all people know that it takes extreme work and dedication. You literally have to force yourself every single day to pursue that which you truly want. It does not come easy. How does that quote go? “That which comes easy, is not worth having?” Side note, I find sometimes I talk and write in primitive languages, just go with it. I read obsessively and find comfort in how things (some of them) used to be.
Honestly, I cannot convey this enough. I am living and breathing proof of what may come if only rejection did not discourage you. Rejection is everywhere. Doubt, criticism, and judgments will come, that’s a given. It’s how you handle it when given that stands out. I cannot stress this enough, be the bigger person, always. Easier said then done I know. I have swallowed countless words I’ve wanted to say, but chose to always take the higher road. Stop doubting what you’re capable of and keep going. Use your words and actions wisely. I have to say here also, choose your battles. With anything in life, if there is something weighing you down, depleting you of that good energy and does not support that which brings you peace or fuels what gives your heart it’s happiness, get rid of it.
We all have to work and support ourselves and/or our families, that’s a given. What I am saying is this, work towards your dreams, please. Don’t forget who you were before all of that. Before any titles, you were you. Hold onto that. Remember that. Remember what made you, you. What made you stick out from everyone else. What made you different, regardless of what that is. Grit and Gumption are what makes us stand out, from all the rest. The determination to not give up, not to quit, despite what has been handed to you. One of these days. I just might write my story. You might be surprised to see what I have overcome (it might take two or three books). I’ll write them, one day. Regardless, we all have our stories, maybe you scared, completely understandable. It’s scary out here. Maybe you have someone in your life who has manipulated you so intently, your life is no longer yours? They have honestly fed you every guilt trip possible, to make you feel as though you are the most horrible person for wanting to live your own life. I am sure I will not be the first person to tell you, this is extremely toxic and unhealthy. If you have someone like this in your life, please as hard as it may be, try and develop healthier boundaries as I know this could be someone close to your heart. However, it is not true what they say. Those that love you, care about you, will respect and truly want for you whatever your heart desires and gives you peace.
I can speak honestly of this, as my mom has always been my sounding board and supporting rock. I feel it’s important to mention, she is also my editor, (She did not ask for this, but she does look over my work and let me know where my mistakes lie, punctuations and wordy sentences.) Thank you, mama! She also supports any decision that I make, whether it’s up her alley or not. “This is your life honey, do what makes your heart happy. I may not like it, but it’s your life, she says”. I cannot express enough how grateful I am to her. For her unlimited support and respect towards anything that puts a smile on my face. Of course, she is a mom first and foremost so comes the guidance and advice. Truthfully though, she is my friend. At the young age of 34, I truly know I can say anything to her and she will love and support me regardless. How many can say that? I know what I have with her and thank her daily for the love she provides and constant arms that hold me through all of it.
That said, live! I mean really live, please. Give it all you have. Circumstances do not make who you are, you do. Negative outcomes, bad work days, unpaid bills, untraveled places, unhappy people (family or not) and goals yet to happen are not who you are. They are only points in time that can change with any given breathe. The Universe is only waiting for you to decide. Here I will list synonyms for Grit and Gumption: Initiative, resourcefulness, enterprise, imagination, ingenuity, inventiveness, cleverness, astuteness, understanding, backbone, guts, moxie, determination, spine, common sense, anchor, courage, bravery, spirit, steel, nerve, and valor. Do any of these sound familiar? They should. One last word here, please if you share in these and feel you are or will fulfill these with action, please do so with kindness. Kindness above all speaks highly, higher than anything else.
After taking a deep breath, Mrs. Mallard opened the door to her sister’s welcoming arms. As they went down the stairs, Louise looked in awe of the new life that awaited right in front of her. Although she felt saddened by the death of her husband, the life they lived was not one of love or adventure as she longed for. The funeral was full of friends and family giving their regards and sympathies, as Mr. Mallard was laid in the ground, she began to to cry. Cry for the man she wished he was, cry for the man he was and cry for the years with him that were lost.
Weeks after the funeral, Louise and her sister Josephine took a trip to the south. They saw many splendid places and experienced the finest foods. ” Louise, are you ready to get back home and put your life back together? Louise, you do realize you’re going to have to find a new husband, someone to care for you, look out for you? Of course you won’t be able to take care of yourself, not with your heart trouble”. Louise pondered a moment, thinking about what it would feel like going back to a life where everyone controlled her every move, where every moment was planned out and all hope for adventure was lost.
“Josephine, I’m afraid I’m not going to return home with you”. Josephine gasped and said “of course you have to return with me, don’t be so foolish, you can’t make it out here on your own”. Louise asked her sister kindly to please understand that this was something she just had to do. She knew it seemed to be an impossible thought at the time, but she was determined to find what she so desperately needed. As she walked Josephine to the train station, she held her sister tight and asked to please believe in her. Josephine reminded Louise that she could always come home if she needed to, please write and seek out a doctor for her heart condition right away. As they parted ways, Louise felt free to do as she pleased for the first time.
Louise purchased a lovely country home with a few acres of land with the money she received from her husband’s passing. Louise soon added chickens, goats and a few cows. Becoming more accustomed to her lifestyle out in the country, she built a wonderful garden of vegetables and herbs. Louise began selling her produce and was eventually able to buy a bull to bred her cows.
After a long day’s work, Louise sat on her porch in her rocking chair and admired all that she had accomplished. She was content, her heart filled with love, for she was finally living the life she had always wanted. Louise wrote her sister weekly and Josephine couldn’t be happier for her sister’s success but always reminding her that she could come home whenever she needed to. Josephine wrote and said she’d love to come for a visit. The sisters worked out a date and Josephine made the trip the following year for Christmas.
Years down the road, a butcher who had admired Louise from afar asked her one day if he could court her? She was happy to say yes. For she had also admired this man. Months and many dates later, they became wife and husband. Together they worked the farm, while maintaining the butcher shop. Every night they shared their dinner, he held her hand as they took walks and he kissed her every morning when they awoke. Louise finally knew the love she had always longed for and it was not of imagination. She had true happiness.
This short story was inspired by “A Story of an Hour” written by Kate Chopin. Again, this is my own personal ending to the story. The one I felt Mrs. Mallard was desperate for. It makes my heart happy to write a beautiful ending.
Below, is the poem I wrote inspired by "Mrs. Dalloway" written by Virginia Woolf. This was my own personal take on the book and what I felt she longed for, the life she longed for.
As I walk the streets of Westminster, Many of faces I see. As I walk the streets of Westminster, How many really see me? Ideas fade to thoughts, Thoughts fade to wishes.
Dreaming each day of the sun on my face, Thinking to myself, how many memories I could replace. I imagined a life without you, Far too great a thought. I imagined a life without you, For it is I, that you have caught.
Making my presence known, For you I wish I could do. What a lovely thought, Envisioning us under the moon. My life looks ideal, To those on the outside. If only they knew, How it feels on the inside.
Moments of joy shared between two, What a shame, You don't see them as I do. I never knew life until the moments I spent with you, Can we go back to who we were? Or am I alone in this too?
My journey is one of excitement, Others wish to be. The woman I portray, The woman I wish to be. This might not ever reach you, You might not wish to be found. But I hope in the end it will teach you, A lesson learned through sound.
A heart beat reacts to the kindness in a voice, Maybe it was for me, That I was unable to make that choice.
The life I dreamt of living, Will be one of my last. It's amazing how the heart does, To feel, what never was.