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Tag: dreams

Live A little Or A Lot: Part One

When opportunities present themselves, do you run with them or do you question and/or allow fear to take hold? Do you follow your heart or your paycheck? Believe me, I of all people get it. When people ask, are you happy? Do you like what you do? How many of you have said, “it pays the bills”? Unfortunately, I’ve heard this more times then I can count, even out of my own mouth. At a very early age, my mom showed me just what following your heart and dreams looks like. I am and will always be grateful to her for instilling guts into my upbringing (at the time, of course, she didn’t know she was teaching such a valuable lesson).

My mom taught and showed me in more ways than one how to stand up for yourself, (get ready for the swear words) take no shit, follow your passions and most importantly, follow your heart. She taught me literally one hundred million other things and continues to do so every single day but that’s a story for another day and we are on a different track tonight. Let’s get back to the point, shall we? Do you live where you are truly happy? You might not work where you thought or hoped you would, but at the end of the day, can you walk out of your front door, take a deep breath, and do what your heart longs for? How about the views? Do you long for and see sky scrappers and beautifully lighted busy streets or wonderous mountain views with the fresh smell of every tree you could possibly think of? Are you where you want to be?

My boyfriend and I recently took a trip, knowing this could very well be the place that we would want and need to spend our lives and guess what, it was and is! I have played the song “Sleep on the Floor” by the Lumineers for him for over a year and a half. (“Pack yourself a toothbrush dear, pack yourself a favorite blouse. Take a withdrawal slip, take all of your savings out. Cause if we don’t leave this town, we might not ever make it out. I was not born to drown, baby come on” (lyrics from the song). If you don’t know it, I highly recommend! I have always known I was meant for somewhere else, nothing against where I am now, but it’s just not for me. I have lived in so many places and been all over. I did exactly what I was meant to do here and I am truly grateful for the experiences and people I have met here. Leaving will definitely make me cry but there comes a time in your life when it’s just time to go.

At the end of our trip, I cried. I cried grabbing our bags out of the lodge, I cried giving back the key, I cried as we drove away in the truck, I cried once on the road and I cried when we got back to where we are currently living. My boyfriend and I have made the decision to follow what truly makes our hearts happy and that is to move. It takes a lot to leave what you know and where you are comfortable (not to mention having the funds to do so). We both have such a strong pull to where we were that it only makes sense to follow that deep down, know it in your soul gut instinct. We’ve been back for less than a week now where we currently live and we are so heartsick. We will be back to our dream location in just under five months to look at properties and such and we have a plan to move within a year. Sometimes something happens or you see something that just triggers a distinct feeling that you know deep down you should follow.

Where I am going with this, is that life is short! How many times have we all heard that? Too many right? I have said before, live, really live! Yes, I know it takes time and money to pursue that which makes you happy but damn it, do it! Sorry for yelling through my blog but if that’s what it takes. No matter what your situation or where you are, you are capable of achieving, please always remember that. This world moves so fast, and the bills will always keep coming. Put some dollars into that savings account every pay, even if it’s just a couple. Your situation isn’t permanent, you are here now, living. I’ve seen a lot and lived through a lot (that’s an understatement) I can truly say with experience I am where I am today because of everything I have been through. Was it easy, hell no! Was it worth it, absolutely!

You aren’t where you grew up, you aren’t your surroundings. If what you want is the complete opposite of what you know, that’s okay, as long as you live! Work towards what you want. Believe in yourself and your goal and/or dream. I see day in and day out people who talk but don’t put in the action, dedication and work needed to get where they want to be. Guess what? It’s not going to be handed to you. Drive, ambition, grit, gumption, tenacity, accountability, and responsibility are what it takes to make it happen. But it can happen. Live the life you want and can look back and say I did it! Not one that makes you look back and regret. Life is full of lessons, good, bad, beautiful and ugly. Learn, grow, move on and keep going!

Thank you for reading,

The Wandering Soul Writer

Here it goes

It’s 3:21 in the morning and I am sitting here writing to myself, at least that’s what it feels like. As of right now, anyone out there who could possibly ever read this seems imaginary to me. As I write, listening to Mumford and Sons, Lumineers and the wonderful sounds of my kids (dogs, Bella and Bruno) snoring, the thing that sticks out most in my mind at this very moment is how the most unexpected moments lead to the most beautiful outcomes. I can say this about many situations and opportunities in my life. Like falling in love, a niece and nephew creating an awesome title (Aunt), getting accepted into college and the steps it took to get there, no matter how many tries. The relationship of a mother and daughter growing together through love, patience, forgiveness, respect and understanding.

Funny little things you would never think could connect one to the other. I have always been a writer, but it wasn’t until 2014 that I brought it back again, awakening a passion that stirred deep within me. Writing is my therapy after all, even if no one ever sees it but me. It was multiple english classes with a professor who I don’t think even realized how amazing she was and is that inspired me to write again. She introduced authors and poets I’d never read before. She gave assignments that allowed creativity to blossom. For a few of them, I could either write a short story with my own personal touch and ending in their style or a poem giving my viewpoint as to what the story was trying to say. I chose both with different authors, Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf for the poem, allowing me to create my own take on the story. The poem was called What Never Was. For the short stories I chose Hills like White Elephants by Ernest Hemingway and The story of an Hour by Kate Chopin. For Hills like White Elephants I chose to write a very personal story in the style of Ernest Hemingway called, Now that Everyone Knows. For The Story of an Hour, I wrote a different ending, allowing the character, Louise Mallard to live a life she was desperate for. I will share these at some point.

My point to this is, it revitized me. When I graduated from Penn State in 2016, I immediately applied to Youngstown State University for their Creative Writing Masters Program. As a non traditional student, having been 28 when I enrolled at Penn State, I assumed making the honor roll every semester, being the student speaker at graduation and submitting my awesome poetry would be enough to get me into the program, wrong. I was not accepted into the program pretty quickly. The reason given, no one writes in rhyming fashion anymore. So basically, I did not fit into the box they had molded and shaped for aspiring writers. I will tell you, this lit a fire under my ass like no other. That was January 2017 and I have been a writing fool ever since. That rejection only fueled that much more writing, especially my style of writing because truthfully, who are they?

This brings us to now. It was a song written by Mumford and Sons called, Hopeless Wanderer that inspired my writing name. Listening to the song on repeat, daily, monthly, yearly. The Wandering Soul Writer was born. I chose this name for the Title of my first self published book. This book contains every poem I had written in the year 2018, 124 poems. The rejection taught me that not everybody will dig what you have to say and that is okay. You’re not writing for them, you are writing for you. You have something to say. I recently read, Girl Wash your Face, by Rachel Hollis. A huge thank you to mom, for putting this book into my hands. After reading, I was absolutely motivated, of course, the book is great! I started this whole blogging notion 2 years ago but found I had no idea what I was doing. I wasn’t really in it. Thankfully, reaching my own breaking point of just say it already, I decided to create a real website. One I actually had to pay for. So here it is, writing to all of you wonderful imaginary people.

I’m almost done with this story, I promise. So coincidentally, the exact same week I decided to really do this, my sister-in-law (who is actually not my sister -in-law) long story for another day, but we’re a big part of each other’s lives, like sisters, called me up on a Tuesday and said, what are you doing Thursday night? Drawing a blank (due to my full time job filling my brain), but knew I had designated Thursday night for working on this exact blog and attempting to teach myself from scratch what a domain name was, how to research hosting sites and how to link both (which was not easy, let me tell you!) I said, uh I’m not sure, what’s up? She said, do you want to go see Mumford and Sons? The exact thought that popped in my head was, do we all want to breathe? Umm yes, yes I absolutely want to go! After ensuring that the love of my life was unable to get off work to go, my “sister” and I made the official plans.

What I am trying to tell anyone who is willing to read and listen is this, I put it out there! I was inspired by Mumford and Sons to create this awesome website name, two years prior and the week I decided to put it out into this magnificent Universe is the exact same week I received the call to go see live, the band that inspired me. Let me tell you, this was the most amazing, interactive, passionate show I have ever been to. I’ve been to a lot of shows, hands down best ever! Life is what you make it folks. If you really think about it, we truly create the life we desire. Our choices lead us to what seems like, at the time, the most unachievable outcomes, but here we are and here I am. I look forward to this journey and what will come of it. Thank you for reading!